How to Tell if Our Love is Selfish


This reminds me of my nephew, Armstrong, who went through a stage when everything he said was, “My…Mine…No, mine!” He would give hugs and baby-talk to everybody, take the kittens and puppies wherever he played, including under the bed, in the water puddles; to roll out all the toilet paper and dumping all of momma’s kitchen oil – he was distinctly possessive of himself! At this early stage, we know his brain is developing and we laugh about it. In the same way, however, this same possessiveness or selfishness happens in adulthood, including the spiritual life.

“[Saint] Catherine indicates that our tendency to use people for our own selfish purposes and be possessive in our relationships needs to be brought out into the light. Sometimes, God permits selfish relationships to be established in order to manifest to us their imperfection and draw us on to deeper and purer love. Catherine identifies certain indicators in our responses to others that can tell us when our relationships need to be purified.

‘Do you know how  you can tell when your spiritual love is not perfect? If you are distressed when it seems that those you love are not returning your love or not loving you as much as you think you love them. Or if you are distressed when it seems to you that you are being deprived of their company or comfort, or that they love someone else more than you….All this comes of the failure to dig out every bit of the root of spiritual selfishness. This is why I often permit you to form such a love, so that you may come through it to know yourself and your imperfection in the way I have described.’

As the Lord permits us to see our selfishness in relationships, we have the opportunity to resolve to renounce such selfishness, asking God’s help to do so. Seeing our sin becomes an opportunity to renounce it and embrace more fully the will and love of God for our life and relationships” (The Fulfillment of All Desire, Ralph Martin, p. 262).

In the society, we use our spiritual tools to aid in intercessions for ourself and others for any lacking in true love of God and neighbor. We ask for trust of God and neighbor in our intercessions. Being a foundational component to all relating, we need an immense amount of it to make a bedrock foundation in Christ Jesus.

Exceptional Jesus Christ, in union with Our Lady of the Crucified Martyrs, deepen our society trust, and flood the world with the trust in God and neighbor that is missing from their hearts. Steep them to the brim so they mount to the high mountain of Charity, free to fly to Your Eternal Heart!